::Broken::

I don't think there's anything in this world that hurts more than a shattered dream. I don't know what that could mean to you. but I certainly know what that means to me.

I had a certain dream for the family I wanted to have.
The marriage I wanted to have.
The kind of wife I wanted to be.
The kind of mother I wanted to be.
I didn't anticipate what was in fact planned for me.
As life started to unfold, it got increasing complicated and at times unbearably painful. The dreams I had shattered into an isolated world, filled with let downs and questions.

For me, the complicated nature of my life left me feeling completely broken.
Pained.
Frustrated.
Worrisome.
Helpless.
The expectations I felt were put on me, raised the expectations I put on my spouse and the disappointments multiplied and the hurt continued to increase.

Some nights I would cry out to God and question His plan for my life. I would ask him how in the world could he expose to me to pain like this, fully knowing all I had already been through.

Pain like this? Currently, its experienced through an over abundance of love for our child while mourning the loss of a dream we had for him all at the same time. You might not be able to understand, or you might know all too well.

Speaking to you, and reminding myself at the same time:
God knows.
He has a purpose.
This is not in vain.
Your brokenness isn't failure. It has been intentionally given to you for a greater purpose. Once we have been broken to a place that seems irreparable is when God comes, gathers the pieces and builds something that glorifies Him. While all you had desired was noble, it just wasn't usable. His plan is far beyond anything you or I could ever dream, and sometimes that's hard for us to see.

One night studying, I read a translation of Matthew 5:3 that spoke to me:
"Blessed are those that recognize they are spiritually helpless. The kingdom of heaven belongs to them."
The words "spiritually helpless" read like I was reading my own name... and then God gave me 2 promises that took root in my heart:
I will be happy.
Where God dwells, I already own.

The same promises are for you.
 
There are some on my heart that I will be praying for over the next 3 weeks. Pray for me as well.
Lets be broken together.